The #1 Thing That Ruins Family Photos (It’s Not What You Think!)

When it comes to getting family photos, there are a few common concerns I see among parents: What if my kids don’t cooperate? What if my house is too small or too dark? What if I can’t act naturally in front of the camera?

While those are valid concerns (and I have articles addressing each of those – check out the links!) it might surprise you to find out that the #1 thing that ruins family photos is… parents themselves.

How, you wonder? Well, picture this: Two young siblings are happily parallel playing, a 3-year-old toddler and a 9-month-old baby. They are very engaged with what they are doing, sharing a quiet moment together. Suddenly, mom notices that the baby is drooling and goes in to clean her up. Next thing you know, the baby gets annoyed, the toddler is distracted, mom (who is now in the frame) is unknowingly frowning, and the moment is gone. The photographer lowers the camera and suggests moving onto something else.

Despite our best intentions, as parents, it’s sometimes hard to step back and just let our kids be. But suppressing the instinct to interfere during a photo session can allow for beautiful moments to unfold naturally, and those moments can turn into the most meaningful photographs later on.

Maybe if that moment between siblings hadn’t been interrupted, they would have looked at each other and smiled. Or the toddler would have given the baby a kiss. We’ll never know!

Table of Contents

• Here are 5 things parents do that ruin family photos
• My suggestion? Be like Elsa and LET IT GO!
• Do These 7 Things Instead
  • 1. Get in a Good Headspace
  • 2. Engage with Your Kids
  • 3. Take cues from your kids
  • 4. Take cues from your photographer
  • 5. Brief your partner on what to expect beforehand
  • 6. Let your photographer know about your concerns
  • 7. Dress in comfortable clothing
• Here’s the good news…
• The #1 Thing That Ruins Family Photos

Here are 5 things parents do that ruin family photos

Similar to the example above, here are other ways I’ve seen parents step in and interrupt a moment:

1. Come in to “fix” their child’s hair/clothing/bib/etc
2. Try to control their child’s behavior (change activities, or move them when they are engaged)
3. Point into the camera hoping to redirect a child’s gaze
4. Continuously adjust their own hair or outfit
5. Give their partner direction

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these actions, they do create a disruption during a photo session, especially if the parent doing these things is on-camera. Group photos take the biggest hit because they rely on every single person’s facial expression for the photo to work.

With toddlers and young children, things can happen very quickly – a smile, a laugh, a kiss, a hug – and as child photographers, we are trained to be at the ready and act quickly. Being early or late by fractions of a second can sometimes mean missing the shot completely.

Look– As someone who’s a bit of a control freak, I get it. It’s hard to let go of all the little things when you’ve worked so hard to get everyone dressed and ready for your photos. Family photos are a big investment and you want to make sure they turn out great!

BUT… a little bit of drool or a loose strand of hair doesn’t ruin a photo. What does is a parent who is not only disconnected from the rest of the family, but is also on a relentless mission to make everything look perfect.

Spoiler alert: It’s not going to be perfect. And when it comes to family photos, REAL IS BETTER THAN PERFECT.

My suggestion? Be like Elsa and LET IT GO!

Your daughter’s pony tail came loose? Let it go!

Your child is not facing the camera? Let it go!

Your child is having big feelings, or even a meltdown? Let it go!

Your partner is grumpy or not cooperating? Let it go!

Kids move, big feelings come and go, partners… do what they do. But trying to control everything that is happening around you is simply not the most effective way to have a successful family photo session.

Do These 7 Things Instead

Here are 7 things you can do to set yourself up for successful family photos–

1. Get in a Good Headspace

If you are able to maintain a positive mindset and adapt to whatever comes up, you will have a wonderful, relaxed session packed with moments of deep connection. Your photos will reflect your family life in the most beautiful way. Focus on staying positive and the rest of your family will follow suit. Trust that everything will fall into place.

2. Engage with Your Kids

The best way to engage with your kids is doing an activity together: read, bake, do a puzzle, play a game… The activity doesn’t matter too much as far as the photos are concerned. It’s really just a gateway for you to connect with your kids. Seeing your connection in the photos is what will make them feel meaningful. Here are the 9 Best Activities For At-Home Family Photos.

3. Take cues from your kids

If your children are playing happily, just let them be. It’s not worth affecting their mood over their hair or outfit. If they are facing away from the camera but seem really engaged, let them have their fun for a couple of minutes and wait to see if they will move on their own – or if your photographer can adjust.

4. Take cues from your photographer

If your photographer has their camera up and is actively taking photos, assume they are seeing something worth photographing – even if it doesn’t look picture-perfect to you. Don’t interrupt the moment to make adjustments to your kids. That might cause the photographer to miss a moment than can’t be replicated.

5. Brief your partner on what to expect beforehand

If you are the one who found your photographer and booked the session without much input from your partner, then make sure they are prepared. As a documentary-style photographer, I occasionally run into partners who will look into camera and smile for me, not realizing that I take candid photos. They clearly didn’t know what to expect, and as a result, will default to cheesy smiles and poses until I redirect them. Set yourself up for success by letting everyone know what to expect from your photo session.

6. Let your photographer know about your concerns

This applies both to concerns revolving your partner or your children. I haven’t personally experienced many grumpy partners, but I know they’re out there. If your partner isn’t particularly excited about getting family photos for whatever reason, let your photographer know. And then make it not your problem. Any experienced family photographer will know how to work with them to loosen them up and get great photos.

7. Dress in comfortable clothing

I have a whole article dedicated on What To Wear For Family Photos, but the main takeaway within this context is to ensure you are dressed comfortably. Make sure you can move around, sit on the ground, hold your children, etc, without your outfit getting in the way. The same goes for your hair. Avoid anything high-maintenance that requires tending to. An uncomfortable outfit will act as a constant distraction, not to mention it’ll make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. That’s the last thing you want when you’re in front of the camera.

Here’s the good news…

The good news is that, although you can’t control how each family member will behave, you CAN control your own mindset going into family photos.

Something as simple as having a positive attitude can go such a long in this scenario. Remember to be like Elsa, and just let it go! If you have fun and engage with your kids, your photos will capture the love and connection you share with each other. Those real and meaningful photos will be so much more special than a picture-perfect family portrait.

The #1 Thing That Ruins Family Photos

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Marjorie Cohen is a Los Angeles Family Photographer offering at-home documentary sessions to families in LA County. Marjorie works with parents who want relaxed and natural photos with their kids. Follow along in Instagram and Pinterest for her latest work!